


Subconscious Inspiration

by orphan_account



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends), Arguing, Art, Gen, Imagination, Insecurity, Long-Distance Friendship, Overthinking, Reality, Surreal, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-29 00:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21146036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Akali is Rai's idol, her hero. She admires the way she moves and acts. She marvels at her strength, grace, and how even outright attacks leave her so unimpressed. Rai dreams of being like Akali, smashing hardships with an equal dose of coolness and dominance.There is just one problem. Akali is not real. She's "just" a fictional Assassin/K-Pop star living in imagined worlds solving problems with improbable methods. For Rai, this is a convenient excuse to curb the inspiration in her life choices. Instead she leaves her ambitions to wither, like a lone flower in the scorching desert.Peeved by this kind of bullshit, Akali decides to skip the borders between reality and imagination...(Rated T for language)





	Subconscious Inspiration

Rai stared at the picture. She wanted to be tough, cool and self-confident like the spray paint can wielding woman glaring wildly back at her. She, too, wished to be walking on her own path in life, defying stiff rules and unquestioned traditions, only following the compasses deep inside her own heart and head. She would make her own way, with all force needed. If you weren’t with her, you were against her.

A rebel.

She gazed at the tablet in awe. The masterfully arranged, vibrant colours on display put an aura of untouchability around Akali, with the paint and dyes fluorescing all over her clothes and body. Without removing herself from being absorbed in her fantasy, Rai thought about artists like the one behind this work and how they were truly a gift to this world. They turned a little bit of imagination into reality, one that you could experience with your senses. These experiences opened the door to more creative possibilities, more ways to augment hard reality or even replace it. Their artworks brought up hopes, wishes, desires which people knew they had, but couldn’t properly express.

Like her perception of Akali, Rai wanted to be an independent, strong woman with no regards to distractions or blocks in the road.

But what would everybody think of her? All those people in and around her life, working hard to keep society afloat, stable and intact. Wouldn’t they be disappointed in her? Weren’t they telling her how to live sufficiently already? They had taught her how life hands out harsh pain, like being cut by a rusty saw, for every step off the trodden path. They expected her to follow the tried and true way. Work a job, please your boss, marry a husband, have some kids, go on vacation once a year, call out who steps out of line, always maintain law and order. They had lived it before her, she was supposed to be the next step in perfecting this kind of life. She had it all laid out before her, so it seemed.

"I’m ashamed of you."

The neon colour covered woman had spoken up.

"You aren’t even real," Ria groaned.

"So what?"

Rai grunted. "But  _ they _ are, and I would have to deal with them every day if I were like you."

"Really?"

Rai looked away from the screen. Fantasy gave way to reality, walls and bookshelves, the empty bowl with the fork sticking out which she hadn't brought back into the kitchen yet, a dark monitor and open paper notebooks with stuff scribbled on their pages. Something about it disturbed her, made her uncomfortable to think on her own. Her flatmates were out tonight, but that didn't erase them out of existence. They were doing what they wanted anyway, no matter if it was bothering her or not. What they excelled in was finding faults in her every step, every idea and every experiment to explore the possibilities of life. It was exhausting.

Rent was cheap though.

She rushed to look at the picture again, from which Akali had not moved, obviously. For some reason being caught up in Akali’s display of challenging indifference was comforting Rai, allowing her thoughts to wander around, play with each other, explore and combine in possible and impossible ways, all without someone's opinion seeking blame in her failures and belittling her successes.

The image judges not, right?

"Yes, you are right,” Rai conceded, “I will not have to deal with  _ all _ of them, but there are so many people I will have to look after, so many to watch myself in front," she closed her eyes for a brief second, "It’s impossible to be you out here."

"You think I had it easy?"

"No,” Rai paused. One single word threatened to invalidate the whole train of thought. “But you made it anyway," she concluded, "because you are not real."

The woman stared at her.

"Look,” Rai added, feeling compelled to explain herself, “Real people have real weaknesses. Real people try to be ideal. We create you ideal characters and try to give you a little bit of weakness, so you seem realistic and relatable to us," she smiled, her words soaked in defeat. They simmered there, slowly stewing, losing their substance like a piece of chalk floating in acid, "And you still don’t have to deal with other real people," her smile turned sour altogether, "Judgemental people."

"Am I not judgemental?"

“No you…”

Rai was pierced by a relentless gaze. Akali had derailed Rai’s argument with only four words.

Grumbling, Rai admitted she had to rethink. It felt weird, like a knot in her gut, to keep lying to herself in Akali’s presence. She had claimed that images don’t judge, but it didn't seem quite true anymore. The feeling behind the judgement wasn’t the same though. She didn’t sense a sling tightening around her chest, making it hard to breathe. Limits to what was considered right or wrong however, still existed. Subjective versus objective. Next to Akali, she missed the usual, stressful urge to defend herself like her life was on the line. Akali wasn’t belittling her explanations, only put up a mirror of truth before her eyes.

This kind of judgement felt fair.

"Okay, right, you  _ are _ ," she admitted, "But with you I know I can always hit the switch on top of this thing, and you would be gone for as long as I would like,” Akali rolled her eyes, or so it seemed, "Turning real people off though is illegal, and morally questionable."

"Funny how you decided to pick that particular order of words," Akali said, "and for someone claiming to be imaginative, you have a very poor variety of possibilities for ‘turning real people off’ in mind." A finger moved over the standby switch, felt over the little bump in the metal casing. A challenging aura grew around the fluorescent lights on Akali’s body. "Go ahead, turn me off!"

Rai’s hand played with the edges of the button, then she came to a decision. "I don’t want to," she said, moving her hand back to the bottom of the device, "You are making me feel safe right now. I’d like to keep you here for a little longer."

"Flattering,” Akali said. Rai could swear she saw her wink. ”Do you think  _ they _ will make you feel safe after you bend over to their wishes?" Akali asked.

Rai frowned. "Of course. There will be little risk in my life. It might get a bit dull, but they can't take my imagination, right?" She smiled sympathetically. As much as this conversation felt real, she wasn’t mad enough to dismiss the fact that she was talking to a piece of art. Even if she did, how would Akali, member of an imaginary universe, know how dangerous real life on earth could be? She didn’t possess the experience of humans, their own and that which is passed down. All she knew was what people made her out to be. How could she know? She wasn’t really here. Rai couldn't blame Akali.

"I don’t give a shit about you belittling me in your tiny head," Akali said. By whatever miracle she managed to give it an angry undertone, "but I asked if they will make you  _ feel _ safe, not if they will  _ make _ you safe!"

"It doesn’t matter, I don’t get to choose that much in life anyway."

"Goddammit, Rai!" Akali cursed, "Since I’m pretty much a part of you, let me use your fucking imagination to show you some  _ real _ things, alright?" She was pissed, "Work a job? Guess what, you’re fired! Please your boss? Good luck swallowing loads of delicious overtime like a good sweatshop slut! Marry a husband? Here's a fucking divorce for you!"

Rai cringed at the explicit language. "Akali, stop..."

"Have some kids? Didn’t you just say you wanted to work so hard? Your little brats only can’t make grabby hands at the orphan fund because your death certificate is missing! Go on a vacation once a year...?"

Rai hit the button and dropped the tablet onto the desk. Too much. Her heart was beating fast. She buried her face in her hands and muffled a scream with her palms. Not even her safe space was giving her peace anymore.

"I’m still here, you know?"

Wonderful.

Rai sank back into the backrest of her chair. She looked at the wall, but was focussed on the mental image in her mind. There she was again, Akali. Snapshots of her frame, her face, her neon colours. They appeared in interrupted flashes like from an old slide projector, but far more wavering. The feeling of her presence, unlike her visual appearance, stayed constant. It took some effort, but Rai was able to keep Akali's image in place.

She didn’t want to let go after all.

"Still that confident?"

"I... I’m not. I just..." Rai closed her eyes, making the picture of Akali a little more clear, "I wish I could just ask you how you do it, being so.. you, but I know you can’t tell me." Akali smiled under her mask. The cheekbones gave it away. "Look, I know that realistically I am talking to myself. I can’t ask myself questions I don’t know the answer to and expect responses, right?"

"But didn’t you just do exactly that?"

Rai grunted, reluctantly admitting Akali had a point, again. She grabbed the tablet, turned the screen back on and unlocked the device with her passcode. She was getting tired of the fading visuals and audio in her mind. Thinking was hard enough as is. Akali’s figure quit wavering, didn’t move anymore. What seemed like the approach of a wild headache, instead dispersed into a steady stream of colours, stimulating Rai’s immersion.

"Okay, you got me," she said, "I’m going to be ridiculous for a minute then," she took a breath, ignoring all the alarm bells in her head calling out the absurdity of her idea, "How do you just live your life the way  _ you _ want it and don’t give a damn about what others think?"

"I just do it."

Rai asked herself whether she had expected a miracle. She bumped her forehead onto the edge of the tablet and huffed in frustration.

"Your question sucked. Ask better ones!"

"But that’s haaard!" Rai moaned.

"Answers can’t be better than their questions."

"I hate you," Rai mumbled. When did badass Akali turn into some wisdom dispensing guru? It looked like she was giving her a wink, too. Rai ended up laughing.

By the end of the outburst she stared at the artwork once again. Akali didn’t mind, glared back instead. The calming feeling returned. They looked each other in the eye for what felt like ages. Akali remained silent, but her presence lingered, like a friend you hang out with but both of you are busy with their own things. She stood for something, she reminded Rai of some wishes and desires. She represented this thing that was like motivation, except for motivation itself.

Inspiration.

Friends are inspiration after all.

"Would you mind being the face of my subconscious for a while longer?"

Akali smirked, somehow.

"I will be here for as long as you want me to be."

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ever had the feeling that an artwork was so well done, what it depicted started taking a side in the arguments you have with yourself in your head? This is kind of how it feels like to me. Maybe some of you can relate. If not, I still hope you enjoyed the read!
> 
> Thanks to my continuous and lovely beta [Randy_sensei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randy_sensei).


End file.
